Monday, November 30, 2015

Come Fly With Me....

...or not!


I hate flying...plain and simple.  Being on an airplane combines so many of my phobias...acrophobia, claustrophobia, bacteriophobia, basiphobia, vomitophobia, terroristophobia and a few other phobias I don't even know the names for.  I would rather drive 10,000 miles than get on a plane.  Unfortunately, in business, driving is not always an option to get to a destination.

We recently had to travel to Reno for a business conference.  I begged the hubster to drive out to Reno.  I cried, pleaded, hung onto his leg and let him drag me around the house, made gagging noises every time he talked about the trip...sobbed myself into a frenzy, but it was all for naught.  We simply did not have the available time to drive to and from Reno.  So on a plane we had to go.

The morning of our trip, we drove to the airport...I grumbled the entire way.  The only thing I hate worse than flying is going through security.  This particular morning was no different.  We noted that 3 very questionable-looking individuals were able to breeze through security easily, while a 95-year-old woman was being frisked, stripped and cavity-searched...because she's naturally the biggest threat on a plane.  If push comes to shove, I know I can take her!

After security, we waited to board.  My appearance slowly changed from that normal person you see over to the right....to this....

photobucket.com

I become a demon-witch on a plane.  You should always keep your kids away from me on a plane. I cry during take off and landing, squeal and scream through every little bump.  Words that I have never uttered flow steadily from my lips, similar to a foreign language.  My head is in constant motion, like that of someone riding the Scream Machine at Six Flags...all on the inside, that is.  On the oustide, I'm ramrod stiff and refuse to move any more than I have to. 

There have been many times the hubster has had to ask me to stop screaming because I'm scaring the children on our flight.  The kids all point at me and laugh.  The biggest baby on the plane is NOT the 3-month old, it is me!

Have I mentioned that I hate flying?!

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38 comments

  1. Poor thing! Maybe you need a little Benadryl before you get on the plane or a stop at the airport bar.

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    1. LOL….it is truly a nightmare for me….I’m afraid of ingesting alcohol before a flight….others might be wearing it. I think I might be investing in sedation therapy…LOL Hugs!!

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  2. OMG Benita, this blog post made me break out into a sweat...ok was it the talk of planes or the scary photo? Dam you! Ah ha ha...sob sob sob...ah ha ha... ;)
    Well now, we know that both of us could never take a trip together! Because we'd both have to be restrained by the end of it! I am terrified of flying, absolutely terrified! I medicate myself with Gravol (the Canadian form of Dremamine)...just so I don't hurl from the stress I cause myself, and the motion! I can't watch movies, I can't read books...the only thing I do to try and calm my nerves is listen to music and my legs move up and down constantly...my poor husband...and tears, been there...last time we flew to Texas in the 'eye of a storm' and had to circle the airport twice, all the while we were being thrown around and I was sobbing, so much so that the Stewardess took pity on me and was trying to calm me down, although telling me 'We are not going to die on my watch!' wasn't really helpful! I haven't been on a plane in a year now, and would never go on another one if I didn't have to!
    Maybe we could get a 2 for 1 'plane fear' therapy session...or hypnosis? Or Happy Hour? ;)
    Hugs, Kimberley

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    1. I am not surprised at all that you hate it as much as I do…LOL. I am the same way….my legs are in constant motion while my head has to stay perfectly still. And if there is the slightest bit of turbulence, I’m freaking out!! Going to Nevada, either into Reno or Las Vegas is a nightmare because those cities are settled in between mountains and there is so much wind moving…OMG….you feel like you are about to fall the entire 40,000 feet to the ground. Edward has permanent nail marks on the underside of his arm where I just dig into him while we are flying…LOL. Girl, I am so with you on this…we could never fly together…driving is the way to go for us…I don’t care if it is across country…LOL…or into other countries. Edward keeps talking about taking a cruise one day…I hit the ceiling...we would have to fly to the departing destination and then get on a boat full of bacteria with no land in sight…NO WAY!! LOL…HA HA HA two-fer on therapy sessions….I think the hypnosis might work…then we would never know what’s going on…just find the “happy place” one hour before boarding…LOL

      What I want to know is why do they go through the trouble of telling you about the seat being a floatation device when the plane is not going anywhere near water??? I haven’t seen anyone float on dirt!!! UGH….deep breaths…deep breaths……LOL

      Fearful plane hugs to you sweet friend!!

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  3. I just love your sense of humor! You always bring a smile and oftentimes a laugh! Have you ever considered being a comedian? Well, you've got what it takes and in written form it is priceless. (I can just see him dragging his leg with you wrapped tightly around it!)
    Brenda

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    1. LOL…thank you so much Brenda. I have to laugh about these crazy problems I have….therapy is expensive…LOL I told Kimberley he keeps talking about a cruise. I told him no way am I flying somewhere just to board a boat full of bacteria for two whammies…flying and no land in sight! I don’t like the water any more than I like being in the air…my preference is both feet firmly planted on the ground. :-)

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  4. Ha! My dear friend Lori is flying next week, MN to FL. She is so nervous, she has made her self sick.
    I have not flown for a long time, 2009 was my last trip on an air-o-plane. ;-)
    Sending you a HUG!
    Carla

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    1. Bless her heart...what a horrible trip...lots of turbulence and layovers in between...YUCK! You are so lucky!! The bad thing is we have so many more flights for 2016...I'm already having anxiety attacks over them! LOL Thank you so much and hugs back to you!! :-)

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  5. Oh boy, I thought I was bad on airplanes - but apparently I am a quiet little angel just whimpering to myself quietly by the window!!!

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    1. LOL….if the hubster could be so lucky…to have someone who quietly whimpers....LOL. Not me….spectacle Susie here….nothing quiet about the flight! LOL

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  6. Fear of flying is very real and can be traumatic. My husband doesn't like to fly for various reasons. The last time we went to Texas to visit our oldest daughter he got a TSA pass, which meant he didn't have to go through the whole scanning business. Have you considered an ativan drip? Just kidding!

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    1. LOL @ ativan drip....that's a really good idea!! I do have a BIL who is a doctor...LOL We have talked about getting qualified for the TSA quick pass to avoid some of the hassle of security. And you are so right, the fear of flying is very real and truly causes me a tremendous amount of anxiety....and bodily harm to those around me! :-)

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  7. I have never flown. Yes, that is true. I would not be afraid of the actual flying, but I am very claustrophobic and I believe the airlines are against opening a door or window during a flight.

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    1. OMGosh..you are sooooo lucky! And yes, unfortunately they are against it...I've asked, been denied and given it a whirl myself! ;-)

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  8. Benita too funny. I am the opposite I have not patience to be in a car more than a few hours. I would rather fly. Glad you made it through your flight!
    Kris

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    1. I will let you fly for me and I will ride in the car for you…LOL! Me too, honey, me too! The hubster is happy he made it also…LOL Hugs!!

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  9. You won't see me on a plane (or a cruise ship for that matter) for a looooong time! I do want to go places but not that bad! I hate the whole thing too...I am with you girlfriend!

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    1. I hate it and wish that we could drive to all the places we travel for business. The hubster keeps mentioning a cruise sometime in the future. I told him there was no way he was going to get me on a floating boat of bacteria….I want ground firmly planted under my feet! :-)

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  10. Haven't flown in a long time for all the reasons you've listed. Hope you get to stay on the ground for a few years to come before you have to fly again.

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    1. Oh, that would be so wonderful….but unfortunately is not in the cards for me. Most of our business trips next year require flying….I’ve got anxiety already…LOL

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  11. You are SO funny!! And I'm surprised to see that so many of the ladies commenting also hate flying. I do, too. Susan Branch wrote that she calls planes 'flying coffins'. Ha! My saving grace is that I get motion sleepiness..in cars and on trains and planes. I'm out like a light. Turbulence freaks me out (and wakes me up), my hubby was on a flight in bad weather once and they fell about 4000 feet and everyone was screaming. I can't imagine. And I do like driving trips, he just won't do more than 3 hours at a time. So on planes I just sleep and bear it. :)

    Jane x

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    1. HA HA @ flying coffins...that is a great name for them! Planes and smart cars....two of the most dangerous modes of transportation...LOL 4,000 feet???!!! Someone would have had to punch me in the face to sedate me...I would have been hysterical!! OMGosh...I cannot imagine and am getting jittery just thinking about that...LOL I used to beat my sisters up for the window seat in the car when we would travel...I have severe motion sickness....would be great if it was motion sleepiness...I know everyone around me would much prefer that! :-) Girl, I don't know how you sleep knowing you are on a plane...I want to be in the cockpit, right beside the pilot telling him every move to make while he is driving the plane to our next destination! I don't know why someone won't hurry up and invent a decent hover craft....that I can do...3 feet off the ground works for me! :-) Hugs!!

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  12. Oh my gosh, Benita, we need to live closer together so we can be BFF's forever and ever! You crack me up...and I can totally relate to vomitaphobia!! Ack!!

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    1. Girl, that would be so awesome!!! :-) It kills me because they provide those stupid little bags….like that’s going to hold the entire contents of anyone’s stomach!! And then, you’ve got to smell it the entire time because you can’t toss it out the window!! LOL

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  13. So sorry Benita, I know I should not laugh at other people fears but this post is hilarious! Does Hubster get pre-boarding privileges for you along with the passengers traveling with small children and others needing assistance or do they board you last so you don’t freak everyone out? ;)

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    1. It's okay...we laugh...after we are back on land and the hubster has recovered from his wounds...LOL No, unfortunately, no pre-boarding for me. But I do try to hurry and get our boarding passes so that I can sit by the wing...not that it makes any difference...LOL. I'm not allowed to sit at the exit doors...because I will open one if I get panicky enough...LOL

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  14. Holy moly! This is serious stuff Benita! So you've never been out of the country? Or do you take cruises like Susan Branch?

    I use to fly a LOT in my 20's because of my job. Things were different then for sure. Why is it seats are getting smaller but we're getting bigger? What's up with that?

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    1. It is a horrible thing for me. Yes, I’ve been out of the country…ONCE…LOL We flew to Mexico. Surprisingly, that was the easiest flight I’ve ever been on. No, no cruises for me…I don’t like water either…LOL And the seat thing is truly a large part of it…crammed into those tiny seats with no breathing room….3 people cannot fit in a row but they shove us all in there! The hubster’s knees are under his chin most of the time and I’m trying to claw my way out of the window! :-)

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  15. Oh my...did I write this? No?? Are you sure, because it sounds an awful lot like me! Glad you survived! xo

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    1. I am so glad to know that I'm not the only one who totally freaks out over flying! And we have to fly a pretty good bit....YUCK! Please feel free to copy and paste this post when you need it...LOL! Hugs!!

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  16. i haven't flown since 9/11. not on purpose really. just never the opportunity.
    when i flew alone to london ... to meet up with the marine and his wife ...
    i was FINE until the captain came on that night. it was pitch dark out the window.
    he said in that gorgeous voice they all seem to have...
    "ladies and gentleman... we are flying now over the big pond."
    i think i could have slept if he hadn't said that. all i could think of was crashing into the big pond
    and being eaten by a shark waiting there for me.
    i'd still rather FLY OVER it than float ON IT! a cruise ship? no thank you. flying? not any more!
    xoxo

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    1. I would never sleep and would be wearing a life preserver the entire flight…my seat would be hanging around my neck…..you know, waiting to use it for the flotation device! LOL I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who has those sorts of thoughts. But I suppose, in reality, I would never survive to be eaten by sharks…I would truly die of fright the minute the captain said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem”....I would never hear that the problem was that they were out of coke or something like that. And same here, no cruise ships for me….no way, no how….if they think I’m bad on a plane….they haven’t seen anything until they’ve seen me on a boat! LOL Love and hugs to you!!

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    1. Me too Darrielle…unfortunately it is now a constant in our lives…I will be glad when the hubster retires…in 30 years…LOL

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  18. Hate, hate, hate it too. Total irrational fear about it over here. Hopefully the hubster will retire soon ;)

    xo

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    1. It is just one of those things I can’t get past…and believe me, I don’t think it is an irrational fear. Those things drop like rocks all the time…and I don’t want to be on the next one that does! :-) And yes, I do hope so…LOL Love and hugs to you!

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  19. I used to love it, but now it's such an anxiety filled experience. It starts from the beginning because my hubs doesn't like to wait so he plans to get to the airport right when they start calling to board! Once I had to run from security to my gate because they had called me for last call over the PA!! When I arrived at the gate they were just half way closing the door. 😫

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    1. Bless your heart…I would have just walked away….LOL Even as much as I hate it, I get there early so that I don’t have to worry about running to the gate to board!

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