My parents are the only people in the US of A who DO NOT HAVE INTERNET SERVICE! Before the week is out, I will be curled up in a corner in the fetal position chewing off my acrylic nails!
Quite a few years ago, I tried a little mini-blog thing but just never had the time to really commit to it and learn the ins and outs of what a true blog was about. In those few posts, I shared a few stories about my dad, Jake (who will be 81 this year). So, for your reading pleasure this week, I will share a few excerpts. I like that I can write these now and schedule them to post later in the week. Almost like I'm here, but I'm not! :-) If you leave a comment, I will be able to respond from my phone -- YAY for cell service! :-)
Here's the first little snippet for the week. If you come back later in the week, you get to see funny photos and read about a really cool lady! :-)
Life with Jake....Stop Wasting My Water!
For those of you who are keeping up, this is the third installment of my little blog series on Life with Jake. Jake is my dad. He will be 77 years old next month. I would like to say that his actions in the stories I’ve been relating are due to his older age, but sadly, they are not. He has always been this way.
While growing up, common phrases around our house were, “don’t touch my walls, you’ll leave fingerprints”; “don’t lean back in my chair, you’ll break the legs (not our legs, the chair legs)”; “close the refrigerator door – you're cooling the whole house”; “no you can’t have new shoes those still have part of a sole, put newspaper in the bottom like we did”; “turn off the lights you are wasting electricity”; and so forth and so on. My dad was one of those kids who walked to school in the middle of a snowstorm, uphill, coming AND going. Because snowstorms were so frequent in Birmingham, Alabama when he was growing up!
When we were kids we were not allowed to take showers, we had to take tub baths. According to Jake, if you took a shower you were wasting water. The only time I got to take a shower was when I went to camp or slept over at a friend’s house. So, being the rebellious child that I was, when I moved out of the house, I vowed to never take another bath – and I haven’t. Showers only for this chick! And now, when I visit my parents’ house, I take showers. And what is Jake’s response? To beat on the door and tell me to hurry up - I’m wasting his water! Seriously?? If you don’t comply, he will turn off the water to the house to force you out of the shower. Seriously!
The other night my son decided to get a shower after my dad had gone to bed. Ahhh, that’s using the old ‘noggin. If Jake is asleep then he won’t know how long you are in the shower. About 3 minutes into my son’s shower, Jake comes out of his bedroom, groggy from sleep, in his 800 degree sleep attire (see previous blog), to tell me to tell my son to hurry up, he is wasting water. My mother looks at me incredulously and tells me she is going to kill him. I tell her I will provide the weapon. I relay the message to my son who quickly finishes his shower as he doesn’t want to get caught covered in soap with no way to rinse it off.
While my parents do take showers, Jake states they should take 2 minutes or less. He sits in his recliner with a timer. We explain that it takes us at least 3 or more minutes just to shampoo and rinse our hair. He says it doesn’t take him that long. Of course not, he’s bald!
I would love to talk to my grandparents to find out if Jake practiced military maneuvers in the front yard like a drill sergeant while he was growing up.
Seriously, my dad's hilarious and we always laugh with him...and at him. :-) Please remember my mom in your prayers this week. And me, with no internet service! :-)